She Would Be Mine
by HPVDGleeLoVeR
Summary: How would life be different if it was normal to be attracted to either sex, if everyone could admit that at least the smallest part of them was attracted to the same sex at some point in their life? Four words. She would be mine. **kinda OOC
1. Chapter 1

Okay So After getting some reviews and realizing, I love this whole writing thing, i am going to turn this into a short series, i'm thinking 6 chapters maybe more. Some things you should know: Quinn and Rachel ARE friends. (Hense the OOC, plus you will see Rachel isn't confident about everything) Not super close, but they are friendly and have small talk conversations when they are together. No hate between them anymore, all has been resolved already. Thanks to those who read!

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><p>How would life be different if it was normal to be attracted to either sex, if everyone could admit that at least the smallest part of them was attracted to the same sex at some point in their life?<p>

Four words.

She would be mine.

I would be able to walk up to her and say how I feel. Let out all these things I have been holding in. I wouldn't have to restrict myself. Rather than simply stating, "Your eyes are pretty" I'd be able get close to her face, put my hand on her cheek and look her in those eyes, those wonderful green eyes. with a hint of orange around the pupils that you can see the most when she's in the sunlight, and say how much it means to me,that those eyes have been watching over me more and more recently. That I never want to go a day without seeing those green eyes. I'd be able to say that her hugs literally make my day, that just seeing her puts a smile on my face. That seeing her cry kills me. or that reading a depressing post on facebook or twitter makes me concerned automatically, makes me want to go to her, makes me want to hold her, tell her everything will be okay. That it's taken me forever to buck up the courage to finally do this. And as I am gazing into those green eyes, I would tell her I will always be there for her, no matter what her answer was to the question I was about to ask... Then the six words would dance out of my mouth, "Will you go out with me?". And it wouldn't be weird, it wouldn't be any different than a boy asking her out or looking deep into her eyes. There would be no more judgment from friends, or enemies alike than if I were a guy asking her out. It would be me, a girl, trying to get a date with the girl i'm falling for. And it would be completely accepted. It would be me taking a chance to get closer to her as all do to those they admire. And whether she looks deep into my eyes with even more emotion than she already does and says, "Yes" as she takes my hand and we walk off into the school parking lot, or she shyly whispers, "I don't feel the same way, i'm sorry, but I will always be there for you, just friends", it wouldn't matter. Because I tried. And she would know how I feel. I wouldn't have to be holding it in.

But I am holding it in. This is not the way things are. I barely know who I am or who I, Rachel Berry, am becoming, but I do know one thing; I am attracted to her. Quinn Fabray is everything I could ask for in a partner, she is perfect. She literally makes me melt. But none of this matters. None of it matters at all. She has a boyfriend, Sam (who if this utopia was reality would already be with someone else) and this idea of my liking her is not socially acceptable. Our friends would judge me, she would freak out and probably never look at me the same or talk to me. Which is why I will forever be holding these feelings in. Because no matter how I feel, no matter the circumstances. I couldn't live without her.

Five words

She will never be mine.


	2. Chapter 2

How would life be different if I could go back in time and make sure her and I had became friends freshman year instead of enemies, if we had been in just one of the same classes, or I had found mutual friends so we could get closer?

Four words.

She would be mine.

Her and I would be best friends right now if not lovers. Her and I would have had dozens of duets together. She would have more solos than I have, just so I can hear her angelic voice, and others could learn to appreciate it as much as I do. It wouldn't be the unholy trinity, it would be the Terrific two, just her and I. She wouldn't have gotten so close to Santana, I wouldn't have let her get that close to Santana. She wouldn't have gotten pregnant, or at the least she wouldn't have been as alone through the pregnancy. She would have talked to me about everything. Having been able to discuss anything, I would have mentioned to her my possible attraction to girls. And she would have accepted it. I would have been able to hold her through all her hard times, rubbing circles on her back as she cried onto my shoulder. Whispered sweet nothings about how everything would be okay, no matter what, because I was there for her, always. I would have protected her, always. And I would like to think she would do the same. We would have gone to the mall together all the time, have had sleepovers and talked with my dads. Probably would have avoided her house, but I would have wanted to meet her parents at least once. Her idiot of a father would have disapproved of our friendship because of my fathers, but we wouldn't care. Everytime he would try to keep us apart it would only bring us closer together. If he would have kicked her out, she would live with me. She would have been upset about it and as I always did I would be her shoulder to cry on. Around this time in reality in our highschool careers I would have the feelings I have now, if not stronger. At this point I would ask her to go to dinner and a movie with me, only this time it would mean so much more than it had in the past. I would make sure to pay for dinner, breadstix of course, to make it official, and the movie would be a romantic comedy, our favorite kind. After the night was over, as we were on our drive back I would stop at an icecream shop, that we would have discovered had her favorite flavor along with a wide vegan selection. As we are sitting there I would look her in the eyes, those green eyes with the hint of orange that give me butterflies everytime they look in my direction, and I would tell her how I feel. How I love her as more than a friend, that she has been an amazing best friend, and I feel that lately we have been on the brink of something further. And that no matter her answer the the thing I was going to ask next I would love her all the same, and we'd never stop being at the least best friends. And then those six words would dance out of my mouth, "Will you go out with me?" And whether or not she takes my hand and stares into my eyes and says, "Yes" and we come out together or she takes my hand and shyly whispers, "I don't feel the same, but I love you, you are my bestfriend, and you will always be my bestfriend". It wouldn't matter. Because I tried, and she would know how I felt. And she would still be mine.

But that isn't the way it is. Time machines don't exist. We didn't become friends back then, and even though we are closer now, we are nowhere near as close as we would need to be for all this. She barely knows me, we have never been together outside school for anything except a few school functions. She has a boyfriend, she did get pregnant, she has best friends already. She has other people to go to for comfort, why would she come to me? I will keep trying to get closer to her, but no matter what, none of this is possible. There isn't the time to make any of this possible. There will never be a chance for us. She will never love me or see me the way I see her.

Five Words

She Will Never Be Mine


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks again for reading, and especially for reviewing. The reviews are definitely what keep me writing. I'm glad you guys like it, this series probably won't be that much longer, but I will definitely be adding some one-shots and a possibly longer story soon! Sorry for some of the grammar errors, I write and then post, I honestly don't read over it multiple times for mistakes, hopefully my once-over got the big ones!

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><p>How would life be different if I would have seen her crying and been able to comfort her, just once, tried to be the one to stop her tears, put all those things she had done to me in the past aside (along with pushing her boyfriend aside) to be the one who she could lean on,?<p>

Four Words

She would be mine.

I'd walk in to the bathroom to her crying in front of the mirror. She wouldn't know who it was at first, turning her back as she would hiss, "Get out!" Being HBIC along with Santana, anyone else would have left at this comment, but not Rachel Berry. All other times I would have seen her cry her boyfriend would be there to comfort her, and even then this would be a rare thing. Quinn Fabray aims to be independent, but she would be about to learn the plus side of having a good friend. "Quinn, are you okay?" At this she would whip around, "Get away from me Man-Hands" It would have been a while since she's called me this. "Quinn, my name is Rachel, not Man-Hands, i'm just concerned, i'm here for you" I would whisper while gazing into her eyes, probably getting lost in them for a minute. "Rachel, just go away, please" her voice would bring be back into reality. "Quinn, please just let me be here for you!" It would be more of a yell than I aimed for it to be, but none the less it wouldn't work to convince Quinn to break down her walls. She'd turn around though, hiding the tears that, though subsided earlier, would begin pouring out. I'd take a few steps towards her, and put a comforting hand on her shoulder, "Quinn, can you turn around, please? I'm not here to do anything, but help" With this, she surprisingly would turn her head towards me, I'd reach up to wipe a few tears off her face, only making her cry more. I would hate seeing her cry more, and without thinking pull her into a hug. But it wouldn't just be a hug, it would be an embrace, she would start off hesitant, her arms slack over my shoulders, but I would rub her back, whispering that everything would be alright, no matter what it was, I was sure of it. She'd say I was childish to think that, but this would only make me tighten my hold to her, "Quinn Fabray, it's not childish to be optimistic every once and a while, to let your mind know that despite the bad things going on now, it will get better eventually. Nothing is bad all the time, or forever" At this she would break down, heavy sobs wracking her body as she finally tightened her hold on my shoulders, putting more weight on me and soaking the shoulder of my new sweater. I would brush this small thought aside quickly to focus on her. I would continue whispering sweet nothings into her ear, "Everything will be alright. Shh, you're fine. I got you. It's Okay. I'm here. Let it all out..." On a constant wheel for what would probably be around five minutes. Every so often she would mumble something, and I would hear it all, but I wouldn't question anything. That would be for later, but right then it would be all about comforting her and making sure she was okay. After this she would finally calm down, her sobbing diminished to a few sniffles as she would pull away and take a few steps back. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have seen me like this, you don't have to stay" This would break my heart a little, "Of course i'm going to stay, Quinn, didn't you hear anything I was saying to you? I am here for you" I would add emphasis to that last sentence, wanting her to know I was serious. At this point i'd perk up a bit, and wet a paper towel, "How about we get you cleaned up, then head to Glee?" I would receive a smile and nod in return, but that would be enough for me. She'd stand there as I fix her makeup the best I could. "All done" i'd say, throwing the paper towel away, walking towards the door, but suddenly I would be pulled back when she grabs my wrist. I would turn around to her open arms, "One last hug? I'm not going to lie to you Rachel, you really helped just now. Maybe we could talk later (I'd nod) ...Thank you..." It's barely be a whisper, but she'd be looking me in the eyes, those green eyes gazing directly into mine, and I would know that she means it. And with this we would "embrace", it would be the best one i'd have ever received. After we feel like it's time for glee, we'd leave the bathroom together. We'd walk down the hall together, and into glee together. We would hear Finn's freak out, Sam's concern realizing Quinn had been crying and Kurt's comment on the world being over, but not really listen. We'd walk up the steps to the back left and just sit, not saying a word, but knowing it was the beginning of a friendship, maybe more. Either way, it wouldn't matter because she would be mine.

But this has never happened. And it never will. Not soon at least. I have seen her cry. And it has hurt me. But there is nothing I could do besides put a comforting hand on her shoulder. The hugging, the wiping of tears, the whispering sweet nothings into her ear...none of it would be left to me, but to her boyfriend, or to Britney and Santana (When she is in a caring mood) Never to me. It'd be hard to break down her walls without everyone there, with them all there, practically impossible. Plus she wouldn't want me there. She wants her boyfriend, her close friends, not me. She isn't mine to care for, no matter how much I wish she was, no matter how much I want to just hold her...

Five Words

She Will Never Be Mine


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for reading! Glad you guys have been liking my stories! Keep reviewing!

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><p>What would life be like if today when she was planning out her day, thinking of who to hang out with, she thought of me, if she decided I was worth hanging out with and she actually wanted to further our friendship?<p>

Four Words

She Would Be Mine

I would look at my phone, having heard it just go off, and be in shock for a minute. "One New Message: Quinn Fabray" I would spastically flip my phone open to read the text. "Hey Rachel, are you busy today?" My response would be typed out within seconds of opening my phone "No, I have no plans, why do you ask?" I would stare at it for a minute or so, trying not to sound needy, making sure my wording was correct. Then I would hit the send button. My heart would be racing, awaiting her response. Suddenly my phone would go off again, only this time it would be a phone call rather than just a text. I would answer, sounding a little more excited than I meant to. "Hey I just figured it'd be easier to call you to make the plans. What do you think about you and me just hanging out tonight, sleep over at one of our houses? Preferably yours?" she would say, still in a calm voice, as I would be practically hyperventilating saying, "Yeah, that sounds great... you, me, my house, tonight, we could watch some movies and order a pizza?" She would agree right away, saying her mom wouldn't mind, and I would tell her to come over around five that night, along with telling her not to forget her overnight stuff.. We would hang up and I would go into hyper drive. I would be running around the house cleaning my room, cleaning the downstairs area, making sure we had food, etc. Dad and Daddy would tell me that they were going to be meeting some friends around seven, so they would leave an hour or so after Quinn would arrive. Five would finally arrive and Quinn would pull into my driveway. I would open the door and we would give each other a quick hug, as I would take her bag so she could get her coat off. She would notice that the Minnesota v Ohio State game is on, to which I would respond, "Dad and Daddy love football, Go Ohio State!" This would earn me a cheer from Dad, but a smirk from Quinn who would then yell, "Go Minnesota! My sister goes there, and it's where my parents went to school, i've always rooted for them" and she would sit down on the couch next to Daddy. The final ten minutes of the game would consist of Quinn and my Dad's screaming at the TV. I would take a picture to save this memory forever, even though I don't know how I would ever forget it. It would be the perfect family moment. Ohio State would win, but Minnesota would have put up a good fight. My dads and Quinn would shake hands and laugh about how loud they were yelling. We would then go into the kitchen as my dads would go upstairs to get changed. I would throw a pizza in the oven and we would decide to get to know each other by playing Truth. She would ask me a question first, my favorite color, and we would both answer the question. We would do this all night, even after dinner, losing track of time. The questions would start off innocent, favorite color, favorite food, but slowly, they would dive deeper and deeper. We wouldn't hold anything back, I would tell her how I feel about Finn (Or don't feel), she would talk about Sam. She would admit that she has never let this much about herself out. "Same here, well actually no one has taken this much interest in me. Must be because we trust each other" I would joke. "Yeah, I do trust you Rachel, i'm glad we are hanging out tonight" She would respond, nudging me slightly with an adorable little smile on her face. We would finally go upstairs to change and put in a movie. When we would sit down on the couch I would sit first, her wanting to pick the movie and do it herself. She would sit back down directly next to me grabbing a blanket on her way over. I would be surprised by how close she would sit next to me, but gladly accept her warmth beside me. She would press play after asking another question. We would barely watch the movie (she would have picked a Nicholas Sparks movie, having confessed she is a sucker for those sappy love stories) being too busy answering questions. We would however know when to watch, both of us would have seen the movie a dozen times previous. The moment the first sad part would come on the screen we would reach for each other at the same time. She would end up cuddling into me, despite me being slightly smaller. My arm would be around her and as the sad moments would keep coming her head would be ducked into my shoulder. We would both be crying by the end. She would be balling her eyes out, compared to me with tears subtly streaming down my face. I would reach to pick her face up off my shoulder and wipe the tears away with my thumb. She would cuddle further into my neck at this moment and start talking about Beth. I would know we were going to get to this at some point. Figuring we would have been talking about everything we were bound to hit this sensitive topic. I would just listen, comforting her when needed, responding when prompted to, and holding onto her as if my life depended on it. We would slowly flow into the topic of Shelby and she would do the same for me. I would know after these few moments that she was the best friend anyone could ever have, the best person anyone could ever have in their life. I would look in her green eyes with the hint of orange visible because of the light still being on and get stuck in that moment. She would smirk a little and reach her hand around my waist. I wouldn't notice this, and she would surprise attack tickle me, throwing me out of my trance. I would spaz and end up on the floor. She would be on the couch still, laughing hysterically. It would be a laugh I had only heard once or twice before, and I would love it. I would need to hear it again, so I would jump onto the couch and pin her down. "You're gonna get it Quinn Fabray" I would say with a smirk on my face as I would begin to tickle her. She would begin to laugh again and this would only make me tickle her more. She would finally call uncle and I would get off to get some popcorn, turn off the light and put in another movie. Another Nicholas Sparks movie of course. During this time Quinn would be laying sprawled out on the couch catching her breath. When I would get back I would lift her head and sit underneath her, placing her head on my lap. She would move, making me think she didn't want to sit like this, but she would actually be setting up pillows on the other side of me, so that she would be able to be sitting more in my lap in front of me, her head on the pillows and I being able to stretch out more on the couch. We would be practically spooning, but neither of us would mind. She would make a comment about how she felt like I was her boyfriend, to which I would respond, "Not boyfriend, just best friend". She would turn to look at me and smile, "Yep, best friend" and she would snuggle further into me. We would be done with the questions by now and I would wrap my arms around her as we would watch the movie. Once again when the sad parts would come on she would turn into me or grab my hand a little tighter than she already was. I would once again wipe her tears away and by the end of the movie we would both be on the brink of sleep. I would want to stay in the position we were already in to sleep, but I would know that we would probably be sore in the morning and I would get little to no sleep with my head being this high. I would gently pick Quinn up off me and set her back down on the couch, thankful that this is a futon. I would pull out the bed as she's laying on it, waking her up in the process. She would look so cute, tired. She would rub her eyes like a young child. I would grab a few more blankets and set up the pillows. "Lay down Quinn, get some rest" I would say as I would throw a few of the blankets on her. She would and I would get into bed with her. I would put my retainer in and lay down beside her. She would whisper, "Goodnight Rachel" and I would whisper the same back to her, "Goodnight Quinn". As I would be about to close my eyes I would feel her moving around trying to get comfortable. She would end up going back into the position we were on the couch, only now it would be more practical, our heads being level with our bodies. I would wrap my arms around her and she would whisper one last thing, her eyes still closed, before we fell asleep, "Best friends" To which I would nod against her head, and lean over her to kiss her forehead, "Yeah... Best friends" A smile would go across her face and I would lean back down, closing my eyes. In that moment, she was mine, and forever more, she would be mine.

But she didn't text me today. And she won't text me tomorrow. Life doesn't work out that way. She wouldn't think to text "Rachel Berry" first, she would text a list of people before I would even come into view. Even if she would have wanted to hang out, we wouldn't be able to get this close because she would have wanted to hang out in a group. We have never hung out just the two of us, we have barely even just talked the two of us for longer than a few minutes. Why would she want to just hang out with me? She wouldn't. No matter how much I wish she would.

Five Words

She will never be mine


	5. Chapter 5

Ta da! Here you go guys! Keep reviewing, it definitely reminds me to keep writing :) Btw did anyone see Lea on the red carpet for New Years Eve tonight? So gorgeous 3

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><p>What would life be like if today when she stayed home sick I went over, if I was there to take care of her, if right when I noticed she wasn't at school I had decided to leave during lunch to do this?<p>

Four words.

She Would Be Mine.

After I noticed she wasn't at school I would've automatically made the decision to go to her house during lunch. My classes after lunch would have meant nothing to me compared to taking care of her. I would have let nothing and no one stop me from leaving, and also made sure no one else went to her house. I would tell them she probably didn't want a bunch of people at her house and I had already been planning on going. Lunch would arrive and I would be out of the school faster than Santana can come up with an insult. I would arrive at her house and immediately begin to panic. I would question going over, wondering what her reaction will be to me just showing up. It would take me ten minutes to just get out of the car and ring the bell, "Quinn, it's Rachel, just wondering how you're doing, I noticed you weren't at school today and was concerned" I would shout through the door. I would half expect/hope her mom would open the door but Quinn would. She would be standing there with a blanket draped around her shoulders, her nose a bright red and running slightly, and a look of relief and confusion on her face. A shiver would run through her body as a breeze hit where she was standing in the entrance. I would invite myself in and tell her to go sit on the couch and I would make her some soup and bring her water. She would nod and mumble a thank you, her voice cracking from coughing all morning and what I would suspect to be also the last night. After becoming familiar with her kitchen I would quickly make chicken noodle soup, they had no vegetable and it wouldn't be like I was going to eat it. I would get some tea ready to make for her later and bring the soup in to her with a glass of water. "Have you taken any decongestants or cough medicine?" I would ask. "No, but they're upstairs in the bathroom behind the mirror, it's the second door on the right" She would respond, her voice almost unrecognizable. I would run upstairs to grab it and right when I would arrive back downstairs Quinn would sneeze into her soup. It would make us both laugh, and I would rush once again, this time to grab some paper towels to clean the noodles off the table and Quinn. I would mimic the moment we had in the bathroom after prom, holding a paper towel up to her face "May I?" We would both be laughing this time as I would get a stray noodle out of her hair. I would help her finish the rest of her soup, spoon feeding her so she wouldn't spill anymore. She would make a comment about being embarrassed and feeling like a baby. I would respond, "Quinn i'm not here to embarrass you or make fun of you, and you most certainly are not a baby. I am here to care for you because I was concerned and you need someone to care for you from the looks of what has happened since i've been here" I would put a hand on her shoulder and make little circles with my thumb. Her response would be to lean on me, and I would push her off gently saying I would be right back, but she needed to take her medicine and I needed to make tea. She would make a pouty face as I would leave and I would come back with tea and she would have finished the medicine. I would have made it in just in time to see her face of disgust at the taste. I would laugh as I would place a movie in the DVD player, making myself at home, grab another blanket and sit next to Quinn. She would hesitate at first, but I would pat my lap calling her to scoot closer. She would rest her head on my shoulder and I would throw the blanket over the two of us as I would start the movie. I would make her take a few sips of her tea before it got cold and she would soon succumb to sleep. Her eyes would have been trying so hard to stay open, so I would move over and place pillows on the other side of me for leverage so she could lay down on her back, while still being elevated. She would be completely on my lap now, finally asleep and I would be sitting there watching the movie. I would run my fingers through her hair, seeing as she would have told me earlier as I did it for the first time that it helped her go to sleep. She would sleep for a solid three hours before waking up on her own. She was snoring a little so my guess would have been that she woke up because she couldn't breathe as well. She would tell me that she was feeling much better than before and that's the longest she had slept all weekend without waking up. This would be the most we'd have talked the entire afternoon. She would thank me and look me in the eyes while doing it. I would gaze into those green eyes of hers and know her thanks were sincere. I would know that I wanted to always be the one to take care of her when she was feeling sick. And she would think the same. She would comment on how she has never felt so pampered and we would talk about how her mom was at work because she couldn't really afford to miss a day. I would tell her that I would always be there for her to take care of her and talk to. She would smile and tell me that she was glad I came over that day and would ask me to stay at least until her mom got home. "I will stay as long as you will have me Quinn" I would say. This would receive another smile and she would once again curl into me, trying to fall asleep again. "Stay forever" I would hear her whisper just before she would drop into sleep. And right in that moment I would know, that she would be mine, from then on and forever more.

But I didn't go over today. Sam did. I had the plans in the morning to, but Sam beat me to it and before I could say anything he said everything I was going to say. He commented on how she shouldn't have a lot of people over and he left right away. He didn't even wait until lunch, he just left. She has people to take care of her. Santana and Brittany sent her a get well basket. I sent her a "Hope You Feel Better" text, to which she responded, "Thanks Rachel" Short and sweet, but it meant something. It meant that she knew I cared about her enough to say feel better, and that she liked me enough to respond. No matter how much it meant though it doesn't make me her number one. It doesn't make me capable of being there for her like this. It doesn't make her mine. No matter response...

Five words.

She Will Never Be Mine


	6. Chapter 6

I am soooo sorry this took so long to update! Someone once told me to not pressure myself to write, and I just hadn't been feeling it the past month, but i'm hoping to be posting more often! Expect another chapter within the week hopefully! Thanks to those who read!

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><p>What would life be like if she didn't cancel our sledding plans for today, if she didn't have other things on her mind and focused just on hanging with me, leaving everything else to think about tomorrow, or to discuss with me later, if I fought for her company?<p>

Four Words.

She would be mine.

She asked me to go sledding today. It was going to be with a big group, but slowly people began to cancel. Santana and Brittany had gotten tied up. Puck and Mike were in some video game competition and actually had a chance to win. Sam and Finn had been with Santana and Brittany earlier and now had to help Burt in the shop. If life was according to me, instead of accepting her "Yeah, never mind, it's a hectic night. We'll chill another day" text, I would have texted her back, asking why, and I would've received that everyone was busy, but again I would've responded, "Why can't we hang just us? We could sled for a little while, then you could come back here and watch a movie or something? You told me you weren't doing anything tonight Quinn, come on, what's one night of hanging with Berry gonna do?" This would've caught her by surprise. She would have expected me to respect her answer like I always do. But this time I would've fought back. I would've acted this way because of the tweets she had been posting on twitter for the past hour. She talked about how she was going to spend the night alone, and how her best friends were betraying her and how the years they had been friends meant nothing. I would've acted on my thoughts about her not supposed to be alone with these thoughts. She would've finally responded with a "Fine, i'll be there in a half hour:)" The smiley face would've made everything so much better. My heart would finally stop fretting about her rejection and then start fretting about QUINN FABRAY hanging out with JUST ME in a half hour! I would've gotten the sleds down and my snow stuff out and ready. I would set out extra for her to use, after she shot me a text asking if I could spare a winter jacket and pair of boots. Dad and Daddy would laugh at me getting everything ready. Particularly when I attempted to throw away all products in our home with a peanut warning, considering Quinn is allergic. They would've ended up putting them in their liquor cabinet. By this time I would recieve a text from Quinn stating she was "Here". I would race to open the door and she would walk in, giving me a small hug, thanking me for getting her out of the house. I would thank her for not rejecting me again as everyone else does. We would get our snow gear on and she would need help zippering her jacket, already having put on her gloves, even though I would've told her to remember to add them last! I would have left my gloves off and jacket partially unzipped considering I would be the one driving to the hill, so I would gladly help. She would look so adorable all bundled up, a few strands of hair sticking out of her hat, her green hat, that compliments and makes her green eyes standing out perfectly. I would jokingly pull her hat over her eyes, and she would do the same to me. Both of us would burst out laughing as we left to get in the car. We would arrive at the hill in no time considering it is a few blocks from my house. It would be dinner time in Lima, so no one would be at the hill. I would be extremely thankful for this, monologuing to Quinn about how dangerous sled hills are when they are full. She would just sit and listen, and would nod and answer back when prompted. It would be perfect. We would climb to the top of the hill and Quinn would start running, shouting that she was going to beat me to the bottom. "Not on my watch Fabray" I would yell, clumsily sprinting after her, as I would dive in my sled while still in motion passing her, as she carefully sat down in hers. "SlooooooowwwPoookkeeeee" She would hear me scream as I would be racing down the hill. She would be right behind me and almost take me out at the bottom of the hill. She would laugh louder than I have ever heard her laugh when I would dive out of the way face planting in the snow. This would make me start a snowball fight with her, ending with me getting snow down my shirt. She would laugh some more, with me, and then apologize and wipe the snow out of my hair. We would go back up and down the hill several times, before we would get tired. Our last run we would just take one sled up so we could go down together. She would insist on sitting in the back, but I wouldn't allow it, a part of me wanting to just hold her instead of being the little one who's supposed to be held, saying our height difference wasn't that much. We would agree to do two more runs, one each way. I would sit in front first, enjoying her arms wrapped around me as we would race down the hill. I would steer us, but fail as we would speed towards a ramp made by some other neighborhood children. We would be launched into the air, screaming like crazy, but laughing at the same time. The sled would get out from under us and we would land tangled together, her on top of me, luckily my face facing up, no white wash. We would just lay there for a minute catching our breath before we would make eye contact. smile and get up at the same time. We would agree that that was enough for the day, though she would promise next time I would get to be in the back. I would smile at the idea of a next time. As we get back in the car she would suggest picking up some food to bring back for us and my dads. By the time we would arrive back at my house, Quinn would be whining about how good the breadsticks smelled and why she couldn't have one yet. "Quinn, if we got a meal for the group of us we will eat it with the group of us" would be my response to these comments. She would pout, another adorable look for her, almost making me wish I would say no to her a little more. My dads would take the food as we walk in and set the table for us all to eat together. I would make sure Quinn wasn't uncomfortable with this, knowing, if she really didn't want to, I wouldn't make her eat with my family, but she would be fine. We would clumsily strip off all our winter gear, and wash our hands before eagerly sitting down for dinner. Quinn and I would reach for the same breadstick at the same time and we would end up ripping it in half. My dad would laugh at this, commenting on how hungry we are. "Sledding makes anyone hungry" Quinn would retort. We would all get into comfortable conversation through the meal and Quinn would help put the dishes away, already as if she had been there a million times. After everything was clean I would ask if she would be spending the night, considering she didn't bring pajamas. She would explain that she didn't even think about an overnight bag, but was planning on staying as long as i'd have her. I would have her follow me to my room and get a pair of flannel pants that are a little long on me and tell her to pick out any shirt and sweatshirt from my dresser, second drawer from top is hoodies, and middle drawer is t-shirts. She would pick my "I 3 Glee" shirt and my "I 3 New York" sweatshirt. I would raise an eyebrow at her choices, earning a witty response from Quinn "We are more alike than you think Rachel" she would say. I would ask her to tell me about it and she would say later. We would both change into our PJs and she would pick out a movie from my shelf in my room. It would be one of the few horror films I own, for a good reason, but I would leave it be. It would be her choice and I would still be happy to comply. She would comment on how she has never seen this one. We would go into the basement so we could have more of a theater set up rather than just the tv in my room. We could watch a movie on that later closer to bed, I would think to myself. I would warn her how I am during horror movies, but I would also comment on how it would be reduced a bit since I had already seen this one with my dad's. I would assume because she picked it out she would be fine with them. I would be wrong, discovering not 20 minutes into the movie, as she would leap to a position practically molding her into my side, hiding her face behind my shoulder. That wouldn't even be the scariest moment in this movie I would recall, and I would reach my arm around her shoulder, letting her hold onto it (with what would be a death grip, practically cutting off my circulation) and use it as a shield for her eyes when necessary. When the movie would end, she would be still stuck to my side, something I would be very happy about, and she would start apologizing for being so clingy. I on the other hand would be laughing, explaining to her how different I thought she would react to the movie considering she chose it. She would then explain how even though she gets scared, she loves those movies "the art of them" she would say. I would be thinking to myself how she can see the art, when her face was in my arm all movie, chuckling to myself. She would tell me to stop laughing at her and I would say make me, earning a pillow to the face immediately following this comment. After a minute she somehow would end up on the floor, I would attribute it to my ninja like reflexes, making her laugh even more than before. After a few minutes of silence I would ask her about the tweets from earlier in the day, saying I didn't want to get her upset, but I was there to talk if she needed it. She would be quick to respond with a thank you and begin talking about how Sam spends more time with Brittany and Santana recently, and how she knows they are close, but hates that they sometimes get more time than her. She then would talk about how Brittany and Santana are now so close and how things have changed with their friendship, and how Santana is betraying her more than their friendly normal. The entire time I would only respond when prompted and nod when I knew it was needed. I would place a hand on her shoulder and rub circles on her back when she would start getting worked up. She would comment on this several times, saying she never knew Rachel Berry could be quiet and listen for so long. She would add in that that was not meant for me to take offense, but I would know this already. We would be passed the insulting stages of our friendship. When she was done I would start my expected speech about how she is so much better than Santana and Brittany and how those aren't the only friends she has, regardless of what her tweets mentioned earlier. I would mention that she should talk to Sam if she is really concerned and should explain to her how he feels about this, and if she feels inclined. I would suggest she talk to Santana and Brittany also. I would comfort her, saying she doesn't deserve to feel the way she does. She would thank me and get back on the couch next to me laying her head on my shoulder. As stated before I would be overjoyed by the closeness. I would tell her this, saying that I am glad someone finally shares my love of cuddling. I would quickly comment again on how I hope that wasn't weird to say. She would smile and say that it isn't weird and she's glad too. We would talk about our similarities, such as how she now is considering an arts school in new york. We would talk for hours in the basement, and only realize the time once I would notice Quinn and I's yawns becoming closer together. It would be midnight by then and we would head upstairs together. After brushing our teeth we would put a random DVD of Friends from Season one in, and start from the beginning, knowing it would be more background than anything. She would ask where I had a sleeping bag and blankets and I would comment that if she was okay with it, we could just share my bed, considering it is large enough for the two of us. She would argue for a little, not as in she didn't want to sleep with me, but as in she didn't want to intrude. I would explain we are both small people and I would love a cuddle buddy besides my pillow, trying to make her laugh. It would work and we would settle in the bed. We would talk more for another half hour and then she would start to fall asleep. She would flip over trying to get comfortable and I would gently pull her towards me, adjusting the pillows so we would both be comfortable. I would pull her into my side, her head would readjust to a pillow on my shoulder. She would mumble a thank you along with a barely audible "Love You Rach" before beginning her descent into sleep hopefully hearing first my "I Love You too Quinn". She would hum to this, hugging me closer, and then her breathing would even out. I would turn off the TV before laying my head next to hers and also falling asleep. I would wake up in the same position we started in and I would look at Quinn to see her still peacefully asleep. Another adorable look for her. Checking the clock I would see it was already 8 am, an hour later than I normally get up on weekends for my training routines. I would let this slide considering how tired I still was and would fall back asleep. I would dream about the future adventures Quinn and I would have, and about how she was now mine. How she now knew that I was there for her and would probably now trust me more than Santana, Brittany, and even Sam. It wouldn't be a crazy possessive mine, just a "She now knows the kind of friend I can be to her and I now know the kind of friend she can be to me and we had more fun with eachother than we've ever had with anyone, so it will continue and I love it" kind of mine. I would sleep again with a smile on my face.

But...She did cancel. And I didn't argue her decision. Probably for the same reason I should have argued against it. If she's upset why push her. She ended up talking to Santana on twitter about the Sam situation, supposedly fixing both problems she had. I knew they weren't fixed and I wish she would come to me for help, but she doesn't. Not yet at least. She has other people for that. Other people who she would never cancel plans on. Whether or not I will ever be on that list is hard to tell. I'd love to think that this last minute cancellation is the last, but I doubt it is. I'd love for her to be mine, but right now, she is not and I know for the time being, no matter what I do, or how hard I try.

Five Words

She Will Never Be Mine


	7. Chapter 7

I was looking through my account the other day and looking at the unfinished stories and realized this is the one that means the most to me and needs to finally end. Back in November of 2011 I wrote, "I barely know who I am or who I, Rachel Berry, am becoming, but I do know one thing; I am attracted to her" and for me to go back and read this now almost 3 years later, is definitely an experience in itself. For all of you who loved and related to the first chapter, the whole story or any of it, this is to you and me and also to whatever is to come.

* * *

><p>What would life be like if I ever lost this journal, if one of our friends were to find it, if Quinn were to find it?<p>

Four Words

She would be mine

No

8 words

She Would Never Even Talk To Me Again.

She would freak out and think I was a crazy for wanting to be this close to her. She would make sure that none of these situations would ever happen ever because she has people for that already. She would make me cry. Or. I would make me cry for being so stupid. I would feel stupid for thinking that any of this would ever happen. I would want her to hug me or tell me that she cares too, but this would not happen. I would get slushied by Santana once she found out. Sam, who would be upset at me for trying to steal his girl, would never talk to me again and spread rumors about me. I would be more alone than I've ever been and I wouldn't have anyone to turn to. I would be in a worse mood than I am today and wouldn't ever be able to write another entry because I would know that now those things truly could and would never happen. I wouldn't even bother trying to befriend her again because I would be too embarrassed. I would look forward to college and leaving McKinley so that I could escape.

And even though my journal is currently still in my possession, because each of these things would most likely happen, and because Quinn is still dating Sam and has Santana and Brittany…

5 words.

She will never be mine

****I turn the page to assure that this was indeed my (ironic) last entry before actually misplacing the journal and pause, gaping at the should be blank page that is now covered… I'd know that handwriting anywhere…****

_What would life actually be like if Rachel ever lost this journal and I, Quinn Fabray, were to find it?_

_Four Words._

_Read to the end._

_Well, I would probably be in a state of shock for a little while. I would take a few days to read (and reread) the seven entries and let it all sink in. I would know that the fact that I have accepted being bi makes this a lot easier to let sink in. She would look slightly more frantic and jumpy than normal, stopping by the lost and found several times each day and giving me a nervous smile as we say hello. It would be hard for me to not tell her to stop worrying, but I would need time to figure out exactly how to handle the entire situation. I would think about each entry's "would be"s on their first being an interesting world, especially for Ohio, and I would consider what I would've done in that situation. The second, well I would just accept that the past is the past and we can't change it. I would know that she would have been a great friend in those early times. When looking over the third I would think back to those times Sam or Santana or Brittany would try to comfort me. I would reflect on each of their techniques and notice that though each tried in their own way, I do wish one of those times it was Rachel. The fourth would make me think about those times that I did almost text Rachel, but either stopped myself, or got asked by Sam or Britt or Santana to do something right before hitting send. Getting into a game with her dad's would sound so much like me it would freak me out a little how well she already seems to know me, despite our lack of closeness. I would reflect on how we probably would have had a great day and I do feel like I trust her. The fifth situation would make me laugh at how much she would have done that Sam clearly had no clue was necessary. He tried his best, but she is right, she would have been better. I would admire her memory of wiping my face at prom, and the comparison made and I would wish that she, the vegan, did come make me chicken soup. The sixth would just make me feel bad for cancelling. I was in a terrible mood that night and when I would think about it, I probably would've dove into her arms to hang out had she tried to ask again. I would feel bad though that I didn't recognize how much more my tweets say than I mean them to. I would never again think to write "all my friends" because I would know that "all of my friends" are not the same, as Rachel pointed out. I would also laugh at how well she does seem to know me, and what I would do in these situations. _

_Overall, I would not be able to stop focusing on the "Four words. Five words". I would reread each part she says about my eyes several times. I would look at the sad last part of each entry where she states how I could never want her and I would feel bad for not trying harder to show what I do want. I would be a little angry with her for not trying a little harder though. I would want her to know that if she had done just one of these things we could be closer. I would have let us get closer. I would have let her get closer. I would think about how with just the eyes comment itself I would agree to go to dinner with her. I would think about how I would have loved to have her as my shoulder during my pregnancy. I would think about how I would sometimes see her watch me run into the bathroom to cry and secretly wish she knew I wanted her to be the one there. I would think about how stupid I am for never texting her just once. I would think about how anyone who is a vegan and known germaphobe during competition season who is willing to make chicken soup and sit with a sick girl is a keeper. I would plan to never cancel on her again and to tell her that when I generalize everyone else, she is and never will be included in that group. I would tell her that she doesn't count. Not in a bad way, in a, "you are different and anything I say or do or you say or do will not change the fact that you are different than the rest" way. I would make sure she knows that I don't think I could ever live without her. I would break up with Sam after my first read, and the next day I would be able to fully realize why, and the day after that I would tell him, just before I would tell her. _

_I would write all of this down and plant the book in the choir room. I would wait for her to find it during free period and I would sit just out of view as she checks that all is still there. I would observe her facial expressions as she turns the last page to find my handwriting. I would sit and patiently wait as she reads. I would get anxious as she gets nearer to the end and then..._

_5 words_

_Rachel, Will You Be Mine?_

****I look up from the journal to see Quinn stand from her crouching position behind the piano. I have tears streaming down my face that she slowly walks over to brush away with her thumb.**

**"If only you weren't so stubborn Rachel. We could have done this a long time ago. I wish you had told me. And before you answer my question, I want to say a few more things to finish my entry" Quinn says, awaiting my nod of approval, which I give, though still in shock at what is happening.**

**"Rachel, I have always known that I cared about you. I have always known that deep down a part of me wished we were closer, but was happy with where we were. I was happy because I thought you were happy with where we were. Now. Now that I know all of this…" Quinn pauses and runs her fingers through her hair.**

**"Did you really break up with Sam?" I ask before I can stop myself.**

**"Yes. Right away. And after explaining it to him, he understood. And here I am explaining it to you. You and I still have a lot to talk about, but to start, I want all of those situations to be real. And I just couldn't believe that you wanted me to do all of those things. I want you to ask me to dinner. I want you to hold me while I talk about…Beth… I want to hold you too though, I want to be able to comfort and care for you. I want you to be able to tell me these things. I want you to be open with me. I want you to let me in. I want you to be there laughing at me when I sneeze in my soup because, damn it Rachel, I love you" She is basically shouting by the end, seemingly frustrated at not only my lack of communication, but her finally letting her feelings out also. I wipe the tear from her eye now and look directly into them. Directly into those green eyes with the touch of orange and I know she meant every word she said.**

**Holding the gaze I open my mouth to tell her something I never thought I would, "4 words. I love you too".**

**"Is that a yes?" she asks, now sitting on my lap, my arms around her waist, hers resting on my shoulders, still holding the gaze.**

**"Yes", I answer as I lean forward and kiss her gently on her forehead.**

**"So, now you are mine?" She whispers with a smirk on her face. I nod before looking into her eyes again, knowing that I get to gaze into these eyes for what we both know will be the rest of our lives and answer with 5 words:**

**"And now you are mine"**

_The end.  
><em>


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